Thursday, August 23, 2007
Utter a Prayer

My boss was driving us to La Salle greenhills the other day... nope, di ako dun nag-aaral, Pathways Seminar kasi dun. Umuulan ng malakas na malakas. If they said the gov't was doing cloud seeding, I think that one is the harvest. Anyhoo, from out of the blue I uttered the words Compostella Valley. Di ko alam kung bakit. Siguro kasi masarap sabihin: Kowm-pose-tell-lah-Vah-lee. Sarap. And the thought came and went and off we go to pathways. The next day, I was riding the MRT and a man was reading the broadsheets in front of me. He was holding the frontpage right before me, head on, clear enough for me to see some excerpts of the news. At nakita ko yung words "Compostella Valley". I recalled my thought last night about that place. Na-curious ako. Gusto ko sanang basahin pa kung anong tungkol sa lugar na yon ang nabalita. Pero yung kamay nung mama nakaharang sa detalye. He's a big man with big fingers. So pagbaba ko ng MRT I went to the nearest news stand to have a full view of the same paper. Lo, it reads " 8 people dead, 2 missing due to landslide in a riverside town in Maco, Compostella Valley" Kowm-pose-tell-lah-Vah-lee.



Beyond belief this is a weird and

the CROSSROADS

"nads, bro. frank to. Pde ka ba magbigay ng talk sa crossroads dito sa campus namin"
"sure bro." I replied
Now, there are several reasons why i accepted the invitation. For one thing, it's a retreat, I love retreats, i love experiences of God like that. Second, able naman ako, i love giving presentations. Third, he's francis iturralde..the name, the man, the..owryt, you probably got the point already. I was informed that there's going to be 2 batches in that retreat, bele dalawang course na sabay namin bibigyan. Very well, ayos lang siguro yon. Nagserve ako sa music aside from giving 2 of the 4 modules. I also was asked to handle a discussion group after each presentation.

The boys in my group, mga 4 sila, were all good boys. Maloko nga lang katulad ko. Freshmen sila kaya siguro ganun, hyper. Sinabi ko din sa kanila yon na tingin ko mababait naman silang mga bata. Okay na sana pero nagcomment yung isa "kasi kuya wala pa yung master namin dito. yun malamang kelangan ng walong retreat ng taong yon." at sumang-ayon naman yung tatlo pang iba. Sabi ko, "well, darating ba sya?" Di daw nila alam. Mga lunch time na yun banda. We're eating and then mula sa pinto ng dining area naaninagan ko may parating na estudyante. "kuya," sabi nung isa sa akin. "ayan na sya, ihanda nyo na yung holy water." The moment na nakita ko yung bata, napatanong ako. "estudyante pa ba yan?" luckily sa isip ko lang sinabi yon. He was older than me, taller than me, meaner looking than...not me, than romy diaz. And he's got a tatoo of his name written vertically down his upper arm. Andami kong reaksyon nung time na yon:

1. Parang nakita ko na ang mukha nito sa TV, sa TV patrol.
2. Kahawig nya yung nasa carthographic sketch sa presinto sa min.
3. May tatoo sya ng pangalan nya. Ah matanda na nga. Nakakalimutan na nya siguro at kelangan nya ng notes.

Call it human nature or prejudism pero the moment I saw him alam ko sarado ang puso ng taong ito. Probably he's running his own life his own way for too long. Maybe he never encountered God in a pleasant way. Maybe he won't even listen to me later on as I give the presentation on Choices of the Heart. He was seated front and center during the sessions, but his attention was far away in another galaxy. I was distracted. I know how special this is which I am offering and so it breaks my heart when they take light of it. He's just one among the 50 or more other participants but i can't ignore the attitude he gives at that time. Lucky me, for no particular reason I asked brothers and sisters to intercede for me. It's not the first time that I'll give a talk but I sensed stronglt that I needed prayers, and now I know what it was for. I gained confidence on that thought alone and went on with my talk. He's most of the time bowing down his head...maybe he's nodding in agreement to what i said, maybe he's drowsy, or maybe guilty...i didn't know until we went on a discussion group. I found out through his sharing that he had a hard time relating to God because of the life he has been brought up into. Family and personal problems surround him daily that at some point he even denied God's existence. Ngai. Naisip ko dapat ang humahandle ng ganitong mga tao eh yung mga katulad nina bro. frank, jim or raoul at hindi ako. Ano ba naman ang payo ko na susundin nitong tipong kuya ko na. Mahirap pero sinubukan ko syang kwentuhan. Sya na ang bahala kung makikinig sya o hinde. I told him my life, what I know about God, who God is to me and how God loves him despite all he's been through. "Even if you don't believe in God and don't acknowledge Jesus Christ died for your sins, that does not change what He is and what He did for you." And then the bell rang to start the next session.
I remember what bro. frank had always told these guys: the success of a recollection depends on how you treat it. It is what you make it. you give it 10%, you receive 10%. If you give it all, you will receive fully also. Which only clears that God's unlimited power to work in our life is so limited by our response. I didn't really know if he will even remember anything we've said thru the presentations nor can i tell what's in his heart all that time. But it gives me peace of mind and heart to know that God has really given us the freedom to make choices for ourselves because of His great love for us. But in every choice that we make He always presents Himself and offers something far better than the options we have. To end this story, I really cannot force anyone to believe that this is the right path where they should go and I'm doomed to fail if I tried to please everybody too coz I really can't. But i was reminded that it is not really myself that I give a talk about rather it is God and who He is.

na-tag ako...

hmmm..... let's start. 1. I have an all purpose, ever reliable BODY CLOCK. no matter how late i sleep on a certain night and how early i should be getting up the following morning i always wake up at the right time... mas maaga pa. kasi determined. Mabibilang mo sa daliri mo ang mga times na na-late ako for something: appoinment, klase, gimik. Siguro dahil na-trauma ako nung elementary ako na pinapunta ako sa harap ng klase tapos sasabihin "Classmates, (in my sobrang tining na kiddy voice) sorry i'm late". Eversince, 15 to thirty minutes na kong maaga for anything.


2. FAN ako na HINDE. i can never really stick on to something that i like (things, movies, personalities, toys, books). those are just "passing" things for me. Kahit siguro mga ilang linggo o buwan eh aliw na aliw ako sa mga bagay/ tao na yon, makalipas ang panahon na yon eh di ko na sila nakagigiliwan. Nothing I can be known or remembered for naman. Extra effort ang kailangan para masustain ko ang aking pagiging fan...kung balak ko maging, eh hinde, mas gusto ko ako yung may fan. harhar

3. I stroll a lot. I would never ride a jeep/tricycle kung kaya ko naman sya lakarin. I just enjoy the walk, enjoy the scenery, cherish the moment (alone or not). Hanggang sa maligaw ako. That's why kawawa din ang sapatos ko sa akin.

4. I always wondered "Is it a blessing or a spell that I always found myself as the only male in a group". Be it at school kapag projects, or just being in a group setting, most often i'm the only male. Maybe its just instinct or course of habit, coz i'm used to being the only male in the house. I live together with 5 females (huwat!) lola, nanay, ate and my nieces.

5. I don't eat vegetables and fruits (a lot). konti lang ang kinakain kong variety ng prutas at gulay. kahit sabawan mo pa yang gulay ng hershey's choco syrup eh wag mong iexpect na kakainin ko yan. Eew.

6. Im a person of impersonation. gusto kong may ginagaya. cartoon character, totoong tao, sound effects, kahit ano. You can just imagine how colorful my childhood playtimes were. Naalala ko i used to record my own radio show at age nine. complete with music tracks and commercials.. o-ha. ganun ako katechnical.... kahit di ako promil kid. Gift ko yata yung voice talent saka acting (thank you, Jesus)

7. Why buy when I can make one. The frustration of novelty shops on my ego is that whenever i see something creatively done at sale somewhere i wouldn't think of buying it. I always think that i can make one just like that... or even better (kasi ako may gawa). Gusto ko kasi pag meron ako ng isang bagay eh ako lang ang merong ganun. uniquely nads. One time I made a shoulder bag out of the old pants I ripped (di yun sira, sinira ko lang para makagawa ng bag) and stitched in a label: nadstrings (for legal purposes lol). That bag disappeared... parang may natuwa at ninenok. waaah. I miss that Rivermaya bag.

...and lastly (thank God)...


8. Im a writer. Not a speaker. Although I can do both, my confidence as a writer exceeds my being a speaker.I like blogging. I love to write and play with words. (eh bat minsan lang ako mag-blog sa multiply, kamo? It's not my only blog on earth haha). I love to talk coz when I talk people listen. Pero ngayon my speaker side is catching up. Madalas ako ang MC pag may event or something, pero sa bahay di nila alam na ginagawa ko yun. wow! secret life hehe.

-END-

Thursday, August 9, 2007
packaged

"How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?"

like this blog... i never thought that even thru this simple stuff, God would speak, to me and through me. (Sana in a good way). It's unlikely, but it happens. There were times when I prayed to God for a generous heart pero hindi ko nalaman na yun pala yung time na nanghingi ng isang basong tubig sa kin yung lola ko. I prayed for His presence evenmore pero naisip ko ba nung araw na yun na nagising ako yun na pala yun. So true. Di ko pala original quote yan, hiniram ko lang because it strikes me a lot. I have expectations for my life and myself pero kahit gaano pa man ka-engrande yon... gaya ng isang buwang bakasyon sa boracay with pay... eh hindi ko maka-capture kung paano mag-isip at mag-interpret ang Diyos. Haaay... tao lang ako, at masakit pa ang tyan ng taong ito. Pero ngayon okay-okay na. Salamat sa dasal. Pero anu pa man nga ang concern ko, alam kong sagot ni God lahat yon. He doesn't pick the concerns. He is concerned with all of my concerns. Idamay ko pa lahat ng human race at lahat ng species in general. He answers all our prayers, big time man (1 month vacation sa Boracay with pay) or small time (without pay), in a package incomprehensible by human minds. Lucky for us, God blesses us, given that we understand..or not.

so, so painful that my stomach can hardly take it.

Lumipas na ang ilang mga araw na hindi ko na naiisipang tignan pa ang laman ng mga kaldero sa bahay pagkauwi ko. Im so tired to even try eating dinner. Pero dahil birthday ng aking pamangkin (...at ako ang nagpabili ng cake) eh I can't help but take a nibble.


O nibble lang nga ba yun? Coming from a dredded sale day at greenhills to buy a pair of shoes for myself (pamangkin ko sana may birthday nun eh) nakauwi ako at around eleven na ng gabi. Gutom na gutom... andami kong gutom. But at the same time, pagod na pagod...anlaki ng pagod ko.At nung nakita ko ang ulam at ang cake, nanghinayang naman akong mapanis na lamang ito o langgamin. With eyes half-closed, I ate, and finished it all. Biruin mo?! Nakatulog na ko ten minutes after finishing my meal. And then it began. Nagising na lang ako at around three in the morning dahil parang may sumuntok sa tyan ko that I feel it aching. Pulsating sya at di na ko makatulog. Siguro dahilan na rin yun kung bakit di ako na-late sa S.A. kahapon. Pero ang sakit talaga. Even when I was playing the bass guitar, greeting some bros and sis, ramdam ko pa rin that there's something going wrong inside me. Nope, di ko naman kelangan ng Loperamide o kung ano man, masakit lang talaga. Sabi baka daw nabigla yung tyan ko, kasi nga di na sanay makatanggap ng hapunan at ayun bigla syang tinabunan ng katakut-takot. Hanggang ngayon, under observation pa rin ako sa sarili ko. Sana bukas mas maayos na, ayoko ng isang linggong ganito. : (